Perspective

Vision and perspective is such a difficult balance in life. As I was sitting in the sun today on the porch, I realized that I was suddenly struggling to see the future. I have spent most of my life wishing away my days, waiting, hoping, longing for those "greener pastures", financial ease, the next trip, the days when the kids get a bit older, or quieter, etc. I have missed much of the "now" in life. The odd thing is right now, I am having a hard time seeing what may be to come in life. Treatment is uncertain, prognosis is hopeful, but I have seen the painful truth of this disease walked before me by my own flesh and blood. I have seen the harsh reality of life. Death. Loss. The aftermath that moves on in a relentless arch towards normality, just missing the mark. It is a slippery slope trying to balance the need for today with a healthy vision for a future that is in actuality completely uncertain. The specifics of our day can change on a moments notice. Financial downturn, sickness, broken relationships, things completely out of our control. Things we try so hard to hold at bay. A life without experiencing the moment of today is empty. At the same time a life without the hopefulness of tomorrow is shortsighted. A path with no end or direction. It is a difficult balance. One that today I am facing.